The Choice of Forgiveness

Artwork by Bernie Anderson, found at https://www.facebook.com/berniefitzsimonsartwork

First off, thanks to those who read all the way through and endured the first two installment posts of this initial three-part series. You are champions for sure! :-)

(I promise that this one will be much shorter as our Tabby Cat Winnie is still with us!}

😊🐈

I realize there has been a gap since the last post. That's primarily because I knew this one was going to take some serious contemplation, and particular events had to occur before I could come to certain conclusions.

So welcome to the Choice of Forgiveness! Let's start by asking, "What exactly is forgiveness anyway? And why does it seem so elusive or difficult for most people to offer and express to others?"

Well, first let's clear the air here about what Forgiveness is not...

Forgiveness is not granting others a pass while you become a door mat.

Forgiveness is not letting others bypass accountability.

Forgiveness is not something you only grant to others and not yourself.

Forgiveness is not saying, "I forgive you, but I'll never forget!" (That's not forgiveness at all, though I will touch on the importance of setting healthy boundaries).

Forgiveness is not saying the words "I forgive you" one, two, ten or seventy times seven times.

Forgiveness is not even about doing something the Good Book requires of you so you can escape eternal punishment in the afterlife.

No... I have learned, that just as many other aspects, true Forgiveness is a state of BE-ing, and it's a daily choice to abide in this bandwidth of raised Consciousness. And I have come into a greater understanding as to why forgiveness of others is really more for us than it is them.

But before you can finally get to a place where you can forgive others without attachment or expectation...You must first forgive YOURSELF.

I realize that is much easier said than done. And you will discover in time that your capacity to do this for yourself is rooted in your ability to accept yourself and love yourself despite your past, or what you have done or not done.

We live in a very dense dimension with a lot of duality and negative polarity, and many of us tend to carry the heaviness of it all, even if it isn't always ours to carry. That said, we easily get weighted down by shame, self-blame, and a whole myriad of other low vibrating frequencies where we take up residence for far too long. This often inhibits our ability to see even ourselves with proper clarity. And as a result, we can walk around for days, months or even years never forgiving ourselves.

And let me tell you from first-hand experience of someone who spent over 40 years of her life living this way...You absolutely cannot offer to others in any sincere or meaningful way that which you cannot give to yourself.

I'd say that's a rather simple yet profound conclusion to draw.

Throughout my childhood and young adulthood, I sat through sermons that taught on the importance of forgiveness, and the consequences that await those who do not forgive others. Those were great sermons of course! But the problem was, nobody ever really taught you what this means, or HOW you could do this. You are just "supposed to do it."

So we were just taught "this is what you must do," rather than "there is something you need to become." And this can be difficult if you need to move past the conditioning and limiting beliefs that cause you to think that self-acceptance and self-love are wrong or selfish.

We absolutely have to get that kind of thinking out of our heads, or we are going nowhere.

Forgiveness can be a complex process, because you will need to have an honest conversation with yourself about your feelings/emotions, and work toward the release of those feelings out of all three "bodies"... (Your mental body, emotional body, and yes even your physical body. I am a firm believer that lack of forgiveness toward others can seep enough "poison" within to wreak havoc at the physical level).

Forgiveness is also a process that may take some time. It is not a "one and done" event, especially if you did not properly process your emotions. So I encourage you to take whatever time you need.

So how do we even begin this process?

Well, from my experience this is about mindset...

1) You have to know you are worthy of all that you wish to grant others.

And

2) You have to come into an understanding and acceptance that when it comes to others, in the best case scenario they are simply operating from the level of Consciousness they are at in any given moment, and in the worst case scenario they are operating out of fear and solely from base level self-preservation--and as such are likely unaware of the harm they are causing toward another.

In either scenario above, you are actually giving them the benefit of the doubt, putting you in a better situation.

Now what about for yourself? How do you forgive yourself?

The same above applies... Know that you are worthy of forgiving and loving yourself, and understand that if you had your part in something that went wrong or hurt others, it was likely that there was a certain state of Consciousness you were operating in at the time. 

We are beings that are Always Evolving. Who you are today is not the version of yourself that you were two, three, five or ten years ago. The idea here is that through time, you improved and became a better version of yourself through lessons learned. 

So what are some practical ways to start with self-forgiveness? 

Well, you can journal, write a letter to yourself (inner-child work), or you can "jump to a higher timeline" through visualization practices.

I did that last one earlier this year, and it helped me immensely move past some inner issues and be able to forgive others who were involved in a situation that greatly impacted me a few years back.

I have no shortage of lessons about forgiveness just from this lifetime. From "father wound abandonment" since birth, to "mother wound neglect" throughout my childhood, to other forms of rejection incurred during various seasons of life.

In the brief example above, I went back to the place earlier this year pertaining to the event a few years back and did a visualization technique of "having a conversation" with the past version of myself, forgiving her, and letting her know that in the end, she'll survive the fallout, and not only become a better version of herself, but that everything would lead to such a profound transformation, greater than she has ever experienced!

And with that exercise, I turned off the lights in Room #135 for the last time, and moved on with my life.

Accepting the forgiveness I extended to myself then liberated me and enabled me to extend forgiveness to others who were involved (even if they weren't seeking it from me), and I was able to move into a place of peace concerning everything that had happened.

My most recent example of a visualization technique I applied involved my biological father, whom I have never actually met. Not getting into any of the painful details that would make this post longer, my half-brother (my father's son from his first marriage) informed me just before Thanksgiving this year, and out of the blue, that he and his wife no longer wished to maintain a relationship with me. It went from "You are welcome to come down for Thanksgiving" on  Monday, to "This is where we need to end things. I'm sorry... I tried. Please don't contact me anymore," later that same week on Friday. 

And with that, there went any final hope I would ever meet my father, especially as he is now older and is in failing health.

Then one morning, the week after Thanksgiving, I had a sudden impulse to stop what I was doing and spend a few minutes meditating and concentrating on my father. A clear message came into my mind... "Your soul contracts with these parties are now up...extend him forgiveness and send him love so that when it's his time, he will cross over peacefully."

I completed this visualization, knowing that what you do at the level of energy is outside linear time. Meaning, I don't know how much time my father has left in his life on earth, but when it's his time to go, that "send off" will be waiting for him and will greet him at the appropriate time. Beyond that, there is nothing else I can do but let go in acceptance and surrender that things just are the way they are, and that's okay. I trust the Universe that everything turned out the way it was supposed to, and every present moment of every day was perfect.

If you are an adult child that has struggled in your relationships with one or both of your parents to the point where communication is impossible, know that whether they are still alive or whether they have crossed over, you can implement visualization or meditation techniques to send them love wherever they are. It will benefit them as much as it will you, and give you peace and clarity.

Regardless of how you practice forgiveness for yourself and others, understand that having healthy boundaries in place with others is equally key. There is no reason to keep setting ourselves up for failure or hurt, or to keep being around others who are chronic abusers. There is nothing wrong with forgiving others, and at the same time ensuring that we also look out for our own well being.

When you dive into processes related to forgiveness, remember to go easy on yourself. Take time and know that there is no reason to rush things. Sit with your emotions, observe them, feel them, and allow them to move through you.

Understand also that you may wish to embark on a path of innerwork or shadow work to help facilitate moving toward forgiveness for yourself and others.

I hope this post has helped you and offered you ideas on how you can engage in the process of self-forgiveness, so that you can extend forgiveness to others and raise yourself into a higher state of Consciousness in Love and Peace.

Remember that no matter what has happened, or what others may have done, moving into and maintaining a higher level of Consciousness of Forgiveness and Unconditional Love means that you won.

You will always win! 👊🏻

Merry Christmas!! Peace and Blessings to All this Holiday Season! 🕊🙏❤️